This blog is only about awakening, nothing more, nothing less. Anything that will contribute to the possibility of complete liberation from the dream, or from the mass hallucination of humanity, or from the mental matrix, or from the false self, or from the lie, or any other label you want to call it, is welcome here. The key words are FREEDOM and JOY. Sometimes I think this just keeps the story going and only adds to the insanity, and there's too much of that already. But something is trying to pry the lid off still, something awaits to be seen. We are all in this boat together, so here we go......have fun!

Saturday, 9 February 2013

What Do You Want?


You don't really want what you think you want
You only want your wanting to end
To no longer want for anything
To be existentially full and complete

But isn't that just another want?
Perhaps the biggest want of all?

Do you really want your way out of wants?
What do you really want?

"Want" actually means "lack"
So now the question changes:
What do you really LACK?
Do you really lack anything in this moment?

Thought says YES
Thought lists all the things that are missing
Thought advises that certain objects, people, experiences would complete this moment
Thought is always a seeker
It is always comparing

Thought says:
If you get what you want
The lack will disappear permanently
And this moment will be completed

Get what you want!
No more lack!
Do you see the trick here?
A mechanism perfectly designed to keep you away from what you really want

What is true abundance?

It's not about getting what you want
It's not about filling a lack
It's about realising that the present moment never lacks anything
It's already full to the brim with sights and sounds and smells
With thoughts and feelings
With colours and shapes beyond imagination

A thought or feeling of lack
A sense of 'something missing'
Is actually part of this moment's completeness
Not a threat to it
Part of the richness of Now
Not an enemy
A welcome visitor in the vast open space that you are
An old friend, come for tea

Space lacks nothing
For it is full with everything
Pregnant with possibility
Rich with potential

The mind confuses peace with 'absence'
Space with 'emptiness'
And unlimited capacity with 'lack'
And the game is on
The search for opposites
The longing for goals

You don't really want what you think you want
And that's why getting what you want
Doesn't satisfy 'you' for long

Who you really are does not 'want'
It has never heard of 'lack'
It is already satisfied with this moment
For it is this moment
Exactly as it is

This is true abundance:
Remembering who you really are
Prior to time and change

These are the unparalleled riches of the universe:
A breath
The simple feeling of being alive

Getting what you thought you wanted
Acquiring all the material and spiritual riches of the universe
Doesn't even come close

This moment is a strange and unexpected jackpot

And when nothing belongs to you
Everything is yours 

Many years ago
When I believed I was "enlightened" and "beyond ego"
(How ironic!)
I had a mantra:
"Never Say Sorry. Never Apologise".

I secretly believed that I was perfect
Beyond humanity
Beyond reproach
And there was "nobody here"
who ever needed to apologise for anything
(since everything was "perfect", of course).

If anybody ever had a problem with me
If anybody was upset with something I'd said or done
It must have been their projection
Their ego
Their un-enlightenment
Their ignorance
Their suffering
That's what I believed, anyway
(I also believed that I had no more beliefs).

I was attracted to "radical" spiritual teachers
Who acted unkindly
And never apologised.
How awakened they seemed!
How cool and detached!
How unaffected by life!
How radical!

But when did saying sorry
And making amends
And listening deeply to the one in front of you
And truly meeting in humility
Ever become the Original Sin of enlightenment?
When did awakening lose its humanity?
When did enlightenment become an excuse for a raging ego?

Back then, I held 'others' at a distance
With my lack of humility and refusal to engage
And then I claimed that there were "no others"
Like a well-trained Advaitically-correct robot.
Perfectly denying the perfectly imperfect human heart.
A disconnected Oneness.
A recognition with no love.
A fire without warmth.

I'm sorry.

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